I hate my job sometimes...
So my company is having a tough start to 2008 in this economy (who isn't), and in a fairly regular lapse of reason by our management team, they have come up with a profound solution...
ANNOY THE PISS OUT OF THE SALESFORCE WITH POPULAR SONGS -- RE-WRITTEN TO CALL OUT KEY PROGRAMS THAT THEY SHOULD BE FOCUSED ON SELLING!
So the idea is we write up a set of these 30-60 second snippets, have our marketing team "sing" these jingles "karoake" style, and then pull together a quick, unprofessional, clumsy recording to share with 3,000 of our sales people who couldn't give a @#$% while they're on hold with our customer sales & service desk.
GREAT IDEA! Let's jump right to it with my assignment!
I got to rewrite Joan Jett's early-MTV era classic "I Love Rock N Roll" to promote a program we are running called "Corporate Account Compliance", which in and of itself is a sketchy approach at best.
Don't worry if you don't understand the references -- our sales team won't either! But the jist of it is instead of Joan Jett singing about bagging some dude, our field guys are selling more crapola to our customers -- WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT!
I Love Corporate Account Compliance
… to the tune of Joan Jett & the Blackhearts “I Love Rock N Roll”
I knew I was getting’ close to three-SIXTY
The sale was goin' strong
I was H.E.L.P.in' my customer a-long
An' I could tell it wouldn't be long
Till he was with me, yeah me
An' I could tell it wouldn't be long
Till he was THREE-SIXTY, yeah me, singin’
I love Corporate Account Compliance
So sell another solution on the contract, baby
I love Corporate Account Compliance
So come an' take your time an' sell with me
***eeeYOW!***
I smiled and I got up and asked for the biz
That don't matter, he said, “soap is just cheap fizz”
I said “I can demo to you, how my program protects you…”
An' next we were movin’ on
He was with me, yeah me
Next we were movin' on
He was THREE-SIXTY, yeah me, singin'
I love Corporate Account Compliance
So sell another solution on the contract, baby
I love Corporate Account Compliance
So come an' take your time an' sell with me
***GUITAR SOLO***
I said I can DEMO to you, how my program protects you…
An we'll be movin' on
An' singin' that same old song
Yeah with me, singin'
I love Corporate Account Compliance
So sell another solution on the contract, baby
I love Corporate Account Compliance
So come an' take your time an' sell with me
*************
Pretty pathetic?
Let's just say I really feel for the poor sap that drew Neil Young's "Rockin' In The Free World" and has to re-write it to fit a "One Pass Dishwashing" theme for our restaurant business.
That is wrong on so many levels. Do these people not even UNDERSTAND Neil's stance on selling these classic songs to shill for product sales? Furthermore, do they not understand the context and lyrical texture of "Rockin' In The Free World" doesn't REALLY offer itself up to modification for cleaner dishes?
Don't they f@#$in' remember "This Note's For You"
2 comments:
Ooh. Ouch. This cannot stand, man. It's in times like this that I ask myself "What would Neil Young do?". And you know the answer, obviously, given the embedded video. Refusing to play ball may not be an option, but subtly infusing your new lyrics with rebellious sentiments may be.
This is your first offense so you won't lose your Indie Cred card yet. But be on notice that future such transgressions will have to be dealt with by the Indie Cred Board of Governors:
Neil Young, Chairman Emeritus
Tori Amos
Robert Pollard
Mac McCaughan
Ira Kaplan
Billy Bragg
I succumbed to the ordeal because I got dealt Joan Jett... which is doable since she's already been bitch-slapped by Weird Al with that "I Love Rocky Road" parody.
Needless to say, i did consider holding my lyrics "hostage" until Neil got yanked from the docket.
Recording is happening in South Minneapolis on Saturday... I may go over and intervene on Mr. Young's behalf.
Post a Comment